Dr Rebel: I have a co-worker who always says 'Yes, but ...' and it drives me crazy. Please advise!
The “yes, buts” can kill change and smother attempts at innovation. Well, that’s the general belief. And in some cases, it does. But it can also spur creative thinking. Let me share a story to explain what I am talking about.
In April 1998, Netflix started renting out DVDs by mail, and only a year later it changed its pay-for-use model into a subscription model. Business was booming, and Netflix experienced some growing pains.
When his team presented ideas around enhancing the DVD rental experience, CEO Reed Hastings responded with “Yes, but… we need to think beyond DVDs.” He acknowledged the current model’s success but pushed the team to focus on streaming technology and the long-term future of entertainment consumption.
We all know how this story ended (eh, continues).
“Yes, but…” versus “Yes, and…”
There is a general notion that ‘Yes, but…’ means that you negate what the other person says, while with ‘Yes, and…’ you acknowledge the other person’s comment:
- “Yes, you have a good point, but I think my approach is faster.”
- “Yes, you have a good point, and combining it with my approach might lead us to an even faster solution.”
However, the Netflix example shows it much more nuanced than that.
The context matters a lot
Basically, there are four phases when it comes to ideas, and in most phases, it can be very helpful to hear some objections and obstacles.
Phase 1: Identify a problem or opportunity
In the first phase, “Yes, but…” is extremely handy to grasp the problem to its full extent. By not accepting the obvious and digging deeper (but why does this happen?), you get to the root of the problem. If you don’t do this phase well, you end up trying to solve a problem by getting rid of the symptoms instead of eliminating what causes the problem in the first place.
Phase 2: Generating new ideas
In the second phase, fresh ideas are still raw, unpolished and vulnerable. Bringing obstacles (but how will we make money with this?) will kill any suggestion before it gets a fair chance. In this phase, “Yes, but …” is indeed killing, and you would want everyone to have a ‘Yes, and …” mindset.
Phase 3: Translating ideas into a concept
When you enter the phase to translate one or a cluster of ideas into a concept, asking “Yes, but…” will enrich it. A good concept also describes the context, not only the idea itself. This is where you bring your idea to life, and most likely, you bump into areas you have not thought of. By asking ‘But how do we make this work?’ will be helpful to improve the concept.
Phase 4: Implementing the concept
In the fourth phase, “Yes, but… ” is extremely helpful to identify all risks that may endanger a smooth and successful implementation. Be careful that you won’t get paralysed by all the obstacles that are raised, and use a risk assessment tool like ‘kill your darling’ to prioritise the risks.
And so, “Yes, but… ” is the best thing that can happen to you (sometimes).
Tip 1: Get everyone in the right mindset
When you have a meeting or brainstorming session, explain to your co-worker or team the phase you are in and the mindset you’d like them to have. Making it explicit upfront will help a lot to have more effective sessions (and to prevent you from getting frustrated).
Tip 2: Expand your vocabulary
We often use “Yes, but…”, however we really mean “No”. In that case, just be clear and say “No”:
“No, but… ” to set boundaries while still allowing room for collaboration or alternative solutions
“No, and …” to reject an idea while also providing additional context or direction
Here’s an example to illustrate the differences:
- Yes, but: “Yes, you have a good point, but I think my approach is faster.”
- Yes, and: “Yes, you have a good point, and combining it with my approach might lead us to an even faster solution.”
- No, but: “No, but that’s an interesting point. What if we looked at it from a different angle?”
- No, and: “No, and I think we should focus more on this technology instead.”
do you have a burning question for dr rebel?